Follow @wheninfinance
#WheninFinance
August 24, 2015
When the Dow was down 1k+ this morning, CNBC hosts be like

Originally posted by collegehumor

When it came back up to down 100 pts, Bloomberg host be like:

Originally posted by fulloutornothing

Now the mood in my fund at 12:00:

Originally posted by skins--uk

Credit: M/Mutual Fund/LA

December 11, 2014
How far Needham & Company Analysts will go to win a deal

http://www.businessinsider.com/finra-fining-banks-over-toysrus-ipo-2014-12

December 11, 2014
Douchebag Finance Job Posting (Recruiter Edition)

Looks like a normal job posting until you read: “The unsucessful candidate section”.  Looks like Stevie Cohen is hiring again.  It’s indeed a rare opportunity!

FUNDAMENTAL EQUITY ANALYSTS & PMs - RENOWN NEW YORK HF

  • Salary: Commensurate with experience. aka, very good.
  • Location: New York, NY, USA
  • Job Type: Permanent, Full time
  • Company: IJC Partners
  • Updated on: 11 Dec 14
Last application11 Dec 14

FUNDAMENTAL EQUITY ANALYSTS & PMs - RENOWN NEW YORK HF Employer: Renown HF in NY Location: New York Hire: Discretionary Analysts & L/S fundamental PMs $$$: Commensurate with experience. aka, very good.

14961 FUNDAMENTAL EQUITY ANALYSTS & PMs - RENOWN NEW YORK HF
    Employer:     Renown HF in NY
    Location:       New York
    Hire:              Discretionary Analysts & L/S fundamental PMs
    $$$:              Commensurate with experience. aka, very good.
    IJC Ref:        #14961 (Please indicate this reference in communication)

OUR CLIENT:
Our client is a Renown L/S HF in NY managing over $10 bn of stable institutional capital. The firm has a sector organization and a strong collegial corporate culture.
The client is expanding and looking for new L/S Analysts and PMs to join its successful team.

THE SUCCESSFUL ANALYST(s):
Our client has a hiring interest for new analysts in Industrials, Energy, Consumers & TMTs:
• Specialists of fewer companies rather than generalist of a sector.
• This is purely public equity – credit, eventarb… are not relevant to these roles
• Resilient, intellectually curious, competitive mind, high velocity of ideas, motivated (started investments early in life)
• Past performance a good indication of future performance.
The company offers training and growth, the access to the PM role, an exceptional compensation structure.

THE SUCCESSFUL PORTFOLIO MANAGER(s):
Our client has a hiring interest for new L/S discretionary PMs in Consumers, Tech, Healthcare Financials:
• Long-short discretionary.
• Double digit return TR. High single digit will be “middle of the pack”
• Hard workers, string investment drive, Strong strive for success
• Team player
Exceptional compensation structure.

THE UNSUCCESSFUL CANDIDATES(s):

I receive far too many candidates (~90%) outside of the guidelines above. My client is very successful in his current approach and will going change the organization and process of his company for you.

So, for the sake of clarity:
- If you work in a L/O AM or a sell-side firm, you will be turned down.
- If you are a generalist or M&A banker, you will be turned down.
- If you work in other asset classes than public equity, you will be turned down.
- If your approach is systematic / quantitative, you will be turned down.
- If your sector specialty is not one of the ones above, you will be turned down.
- If you have little experience, you will be turned down (this is for the best-of-breed).
- And if you are a school teacher, a soldier, an algo developer or something else that really is not in line with the role, you will be blocked for any future application.
Thank you for your understanding. It’s a rare opportunity. I didn’t say it was a rare opportunity for everybody.

To apply to this role or obtain further information, please contact either Gontran de Quillacq, Managing Director, Head of Quantitative & Risk Practice. W: +1 (646) 710-3457, Gontran@IJCPartners.com, www.linkedin.com/in/gdequillacq  or Ervan Lerman, Principal & Founder, W: +1 (646)710-3455, Evan@IJCPartners.com

April 21, 2014
Either the best job advertising or just the worst

Are you the next WOLF of WALLSTREET??EZ-AD

DESCRIPTION

EZ-AD Corp is an in-store digital advertising system & is growing at a rapid rate. In just over a year, EZ-AD has gone from a startup company to a company grossing over a million dollars per year! We want to open the doors to young ambitious students who are looking to be part of this growing success.

We are currently seeking motivated sales professionals, a “wolf of wall street” mentality who’s hungry, a go getter, an over achiever and a person that will not take no for an answer mind set.

What will I be doing? -You will be engaged in Direct Sales, Cold Calling ,Lead Generation and Customer Support.

Requirements: -Must have a minimum of 10 hours a week to work.

Compensation: $10-$15/hr plus commission based off interview presentation. This internship may lead to a long-term position with the company with a salary of over $100,000/year. 

If interested, please contact us at Ishtar@ezadtv.com. For more info visit: https://www.ezadtv.com

LOCATION
Nation Wide
Yes
City
State/Province
Nationwide
Country
USA
POSITION TYPE
Full Time Entry Level, Internship (paid), Part Time
DESIRED MAJOR(S)
School of Business
WORK AUTHORIZATION
Yes, now or in the future may need visa sponsorship

December 2, 2013
What I wanted my MD to do when I told him that I’m quitting investment banking

image

Instead he’s like

image

November 22, 2013
More shit that Analysts say Part 2

image

From: http://pragcap.com/the-quantitative-easing-behavioral-cycle

#shitthatanalystssay

November 18, 2013
And now a word from our Sponsors for all you monkeys slaving away

Gambling T Shirts for all you players!

www.gamblersgear.com

#Putyourmoneywhereyourshirtis

#OhwellIllmakeitbacknextbonus

#Luckneverlookedsogood

#GamblersGear

August 20, 2013
RIP to the homies who’ve died: Moritz Erhardt

When my VP tells me he needs this by tomorrow morning from now on:

image

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2397527/Bank-America-Merrill-Lynch-intern-Moritz-Erhardt-dead-working-long-hours.html

The body of Moritz Erhardt was discovered on Thursday evening as he neared the end of a seven-week internship with the Bank of America Merrill Lynch’s investment bank division.

June 3, 2013
Winning A Bake-Off

Losing A Bake-Off:

Credit: M / West Coast / IBD

June 3, 2013
Our deal team after we enter an exclusivity period when the most likely buyer submits a term sheet

6 months later … the buyer drops out

Credit: M / West Coast / IBD

1 of 52 Next page