How I will greet Archer's management the next time they come to town
Credit: M/Hedge Fund/Chicago
1Q13 Conference Call
Operator We will now take a question from Bruce Wayne with Wayne Enterprises. Please go ahead.
Bruce Wayne – Wayne Enterprises – Analyst Hello? Hello there.
Lars Bethuelsen – Archer Limited – SVP, M&A and IR Hello, Bruce. We can hear you.
Bruce Wayne – Wayne Enterprises – Analyst Hi, there. This is Bruce Wayne. I have a question for you guys. So I was wondering, given your financial situation, if you guys would be willing to invest in some technology I’m developing.
Christoph Bausch – Archer Limited – CFO I think we will still find money if we find the right technology to invest in. I think we have a very good, on the Oil Tools side of the business, internal R&D team and so the investment is — should also be looked upon as just attracting talented engineers to continue that run.
Bruce Wayne – Wayne Enterprises – Analyst Do you feel that you have engineers that can work my specifications, because I’m facing super-villains, so I need specific technical expertise.
Christoph Bausch – Archer Limited – CFO I’m a little bit — there’s a big echo on the line. I’m sorry, can you repeat the question?
Bruce Wayne – Wayne Enterprises – Analyst No, what it is is that a lot of my technology was damaged. I was obviously recently in battles with Bane, the Joker, so I just want to know if you guys can invest in some technology I’m developing.
Christoph Bausch – Archer Limited – CFO Okay, Bruce, we are currently investing currently in technology in Oil Tools and in Wireline. We have various technologies where we’ve invested over [a] couple of years and we will continue to do so going forward. Bertrand, can you move on to the next caller, please?
Our 500 post is the douchest finance blog of the year: The Wall Street Playboys
At Wheninfinance, we are always keen on finding new finance blogs that are out there. So when we stumbled onto a blog called “Wall Street Playboys”, we thought this has to be one of the douchiest finance blogs out there. From the looks of it, it appears that it’s runned by some junior 22 year old bankers who think they’re the shit with a comment section equally as pretentious:
“Question: I hooked up with a girl last night at my crib, finished around 11 pm, and after we were done I suggested I call her a cab. She got enraged and almost broke my lamp, lol. How do you handle this situation delicately to get her to go away? A man needs quality sleep!”
Here are some of the douchy twitter feeds:
This is why I hate bankers and why a select few bankers give the rest of the industry a bad reputation. Whoever wrote this blog took the bottles and models way too seriously. First of all, this kid sounds like he hasn’t been laid in awhile and tries too hard to believe that he’s the shit. Looking from the first post, they also think they’re the next Paul Tudor Jones. It’s hilarious that this kid thinks someone will even care about his opinion on a stock. Bro, you’re a junior banker, go back to pumping models. If you think someone on the buyside is going to take your lame advice on investing, you’re on a whole new level of delusional.
Don’t remember how I stumbled across this, but I thought I should share it with you all. I don’t know why someone would ask what I private equity firm is on a forum about guitars, but some of the answers are hilarious.
A #WIF Christmas Jingle: Bonus Claus Is Coming To Town
We got this #wheninfinance Christmas jingle in our inbox over the weekend with a note that read: “Now as you read this, just imagine the most senior MDs singing loud and clear whilst glaring towards the analysts around the room. Don’t know how that makes me feel.”
Wives in finance are, quite possibly, the most interesting breed of human being in existence. Every time I’ve met a senior partner’s or director’s wife, she is an unknown strain of bizarre, worthless, or mean. It’s become the standard.
Once upon a time, I’d met my managing partner’s wife and, of course, she rolled in on the Wives In Finance Bizarro Train with glitter in her hair and spikey leather pants. She was some sort of faux-rock-and-roll like Avril Lavigne. She had a general disdain for the hoity toity, the schmoozey charity events, and was miserable about basically everything else that came along with being a wealthy fund manager’s wife.
And somehow, she thought we were friends. Maybe this is because I was usually the only other female even close to her age at events. Or maybe she could sense my bitchy undertones. I went with it.
She clung to me at our Christmas party. We drank and made fun of people, talked shit, took pictures, etc… At one point in the evening she said to me “let’s get away from everyone and go to the bathroom real quick”.
I thought we were just going to powder our noses and get away for a second. So when we both walked into the single-person bathroom, I didn’t think anything of it. I started rummaging through my clutch for a lipstick and when I looked over, I saw that she had kicked off her shoes that cost more than my rent, and was squatting barefoot atop the toilet, her underwear pulled to her knees, and she was casually taking a shit in front of me. Just shitting away.
And it wasn’t a little shit; it was a full-sized shit. If this shit was a car, I’d say it was a four door sedan. It was a 7-series shit.
My world started spinning backwards as I realized I was watching my boss’ wife take a shit. All the while, she was still talking away about something, as if it was no big deal. I wondered how many before me had witnessed this Wife In Finance take shits. There must be hundreds. Or at least five or six.
I wondered how to nicely tell her that “no matter what happens, we will never be real friends; your husband signs my paychecks; you cannot shit in front of me like this ever again”? I realized this had gone too far. And I never made eye contact with her again.