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January 22, 2013
In Our Inbox: Investment Wanker Game

Got this gem in our inbox today. A little online game called “Investment Wanker”.

Enjoy.

January 14, 2013
When my Managing Director tries to get us excited about an obviously shitty deal:

Credit: Skirt

December 10, 2012
A #WIF Christmas Jingle: Bonus Claus Is Coming To Town

We got this #wheninfinance Christmas jingle in our inbox over the weekend with a note that read: “Now as you read this, just imagine the most senior MDs singing loud and clear whilst glaring towards the analysts around the room. Don’t know how that makes me feel.”

 

“BONUS CLAUS” IS COMING TO TOWN

 

You better not sleep

You better not try

Just bust your ass

We’re telling you why

Bonus Claus is coming to town

—-

He’s making a list

He’s checking it close

Gonna find out who’s hot and who’s toast

Bonus Claus is coming to town

—-

He sees you when you’re resting

He knows when you’re awake

He knows if you’re at your desk

So show up, for appearance sake!

—-

Oh’ pound on Excel

Make spreadsheets fly

Better go fast

We’re telling you why

Or Bonus Grinch is coming to town

Share your holiday party stories (short or long), gif reactions, and photos to us at wheninfinance@gmail.com and tag with #wheninfinance on Instagram

December 3, 2012
Holiday Party Tales: The Wives in Finance

Wives in finance are, quite possibly, the most interesting breed of human being in existence. Every time I’ve met a senior partner’s or director’s wife, she is an unknown strain of bizarre, worthless, or mean. It’s become the standard.

Once upon a time, I’d met my managing partner’s wife and, of course, she rolled in on the Wives In Finance Bizarro Train with glitter in her hair and spikey leather pants. She was some sort of faux-rock-and-roll like Avril Lavigne. She had a general disdain for the hoity toity, the schmoozey charity events, and was miserable about basically everything else that came along with being a wealthy fund manager’s wife.

And somehow, she thought we were friends. Maybe this is because I was usually the only other female even close to her age at events. Or maybe she could sense my bitchy undertones. I went with it.

She clung to me at our Christmas party. We drank and made fun of people, talked shit, took pictures, etc… At one point in the evening she said  to me “let’s get away from everyone and go to the bathroom real quick”.

I thought we were just going to powder our noses and get away for a second. So when we both walked into the single-person bathroom, I didn’t think anything of it. I started rummaging through my clutch for a lipstick and when I looked over, I saw that she had kicked off her shoes that cost more than my rent, and was squatting barefoot atop the toilet, her underwear pulled to her knees, and she was casually taking a shit in front of me. Just shitting away.

And it wasn’t a little shit; it was a full-sized shit. If this shit was a car, I’d say it was a four door sedan. It was a 7-series shit.

My world started spinning backwards as I realized I was watching my boss’ wife take a shit. All the while, she was still talking away about something, as if it was no big deal. I wondered how many before me had witnessed this Wife In Finance take shits. There must be hundreds. Or at least five or six.

I wondered how to nicely tell her that “no matter what happens, we will never be real friends; your husband signs my paychecks; you cannot shit in front of me like this ever again”? I realized this had gone too far. And I never made eye contact with her again.

-SKIRT.


Do you have a legendary holiday party story to share with us? Send us your goodies; we’ll protect your anonymity. 

October 23, 2012
What happens after you point out a mistake your VP/MD made in front of the client:

Credit: M/NYC/IBD

October 23, 2012
When anyone asks me about my MD on ‘paternity’ leave:


Credit: Skirt

October 16, 2012
Sitting in my managing director’s office when he is out of town:

Credit: Skirt